update

ive fallen into a bad rut. were i think updating this thing as more of a hassle then a release  i really need to change that mentality. im at an odd place in life, i think ive at least figured out what my education will be good for, however im always doubting my intelligence to make it that far. i dont work nearly hard enough then i should. i tend to put a social life ahead of studies, which an an academic major i really need to change. i hope i get a spirt of motivation sometime soon. i have a big choice coming up as well. as it turns out i need to learn german for most masters and phd programs in art history, and scad will finally be offering german starting next year, however i am currently enrolled in french. if i decide to not finish out french past the third quarter, and then take german i would probably have to drop my minor and all kinds of mayhem will ensue. im very far behind in my majors classes, and i can feel it. 

on top of all that i am very stressed about money. there is so much i want to be doing right now but unfortunately work has been super slow so half the time im sent home after an hour. i had to ask my parents for money to cover my rent this month, which sucks i loved the feeling of being financially independent for the most part. it was my money so i could do with it what i wanted. now after all my bills are pained i'll have just over 40 dollars to my name. i know my next paycheck will be even lower so i have no idea how im going to come up with enough to cover next months bills. 

ive started taking pictures for some of the master's program painting students, maybe they'll get me some money going. i have an interview hopefully soon at desoto row for a volunteer position, i also have an interview with the student newspaper for a position there, which will pay starting next quarter. i hope i get it. 

yet another point of change, while megan is back i dont believe she's going to move in with me. so i have no idea who im going to live with when the lease is up. i like the idea of living by myself, but i really dont believe i can afford it, i guess i'll see what happens come april. all for now, off to work to hopefully make some money tonight. 

sincerely yours,

mur

mix up

ive been so mixed about so many things in my life its crazy. mostly about what i want as far as companionship. i have this yearning to have someone to care for, but i dont it to be complicated, or to serious. it sounds selfish i know but if someone doesnt fit what i want, i just dont want it at all. it's weird i just want something, but i dont know what it is at all...

sincerely yours,

mur

im back

i made it back from canada. i really had fun seeing all my family up there and playing in the snow wasn't half bad either. however now that i have spent two weeks with my parents and brother i remember why i love my family in savannah so much. see you soon guys i missed you. 

sincerely yours,

mur

alright

normally i dont let things get to me. however i have major issues with feeling left out abandoned etc. i'd like to think im a good friend, always there for people and the like. however this morning this fairly small incident put me over the edge i wasnt even aware i was so close to. im awake fairly early as usual, when audra gets up and i ask why she is up so early. she says shes going to breakfast with chelsea, alright thats fine its just her and chelsea not a big deal. then steph comes over and she is going as well. im just sitting in the living room on my computer and audra had already asked me what i was doing for the day, when i replied nothing no invite. its ok at the time i figured it was just her and chelsea, then all three of them stand in the living room deciding were to go and leave. no invite, no good bye, no see you later. am i really that forgettable, or am i really someone that apparently no one wants to hang out with. what is wrong with me eh? i do favors for everyone and im just left yet again. i had felt like for once i had actually gotten a close group of chick friends, but i guess not. megan i miss you. alaina too. fuck, ok im not going to be passive aggressive, im going to ask them about it when they get back cuz really i have no idea why im so upset. im tired of having to invite myself, i feel as if im imposing, shouldn't i just be invited?

sincerely yours

mur

im

i am going to be in port charlotte on saturday, sunday i am going to tampa, and then monday i fly out to canada. the great white north. its going to be super chilly. 

sincerely yours,

mur

Turns out

Egypt was not going to take most of Megan's credits. therefore she is now coming back to scad. im so super happy, like almost to tears, i have my best friend back :).

sincerely yours,

mur

content

while after this week of spending time with my best friend and husband i thought i would be feeling quite lonely, im actually quite content with my situation. i feel as if i have so much ahead of me and no one to really hold me back. i mean sure i wouldnt mind the companionship i feel as if im missing all the heart break that would come with it. i'd rather just stay in this content bliss, hopefully it lasts. 

sincerely yours,

mur