a choice

so i think i have finally picked at least an area of study for my thesis paper. ive always been fascinated with indian culture..dot not feather..along with the religion of the area as well. the combination has led me to thinking i will write my thesis on indian art. however i have not decided if that will be of the more traditional arts, or the contemporary. ive just picked out books on both from the library, and i really do find both to be very fascinating..maybe it can incorporate the two somehow. as for now it kind of gives me a bit of peace of mind knowing that is an area i am especially interested in. it probably doesnt help that all ive been doing is watching slumdog millionaire and listening to the soundtrack. ive also been watching a million interviews with dev patel..who is amazing and im officially in love with him haha. so i feel a bit less stressed about so much in my life right now as odd as that sounds now that i do have a million things to do. i feel as if i am heading in the right direction. ive got many things on my plate but i have been better about using my time, or at least i have been today and most of this weekend. im at the library at the moment, ive got most of my worksheets done for french just have to study for the test, which im actually going to do this time not lame studying. i've got flash cards and hopefully doing these worksheets the night before will help too. once it gets a bit later in the library with less people i'll probably listen to some french music as well, ive gotten really into french rap haha. well im gonna hit the books again. 

sincerely yours,

mur

cafe writings

under the freezing circumstances that is at my current residence i have taken refuge at a coffee shop in town. gallery expresso to be exact, i love coming here, its so cozy, and a huge cup of coffee is super cheap. i never thought i would become this addicted to coffee, and late nights. i love staying up late, for absolutely no reason, half the time im just thinking, i come up with awesome ideas late at night. 

the current art on the walls at gallery are quite interesting, it all has this x-ray motif but is done with bright vivid colors, and interesting juxtaposition i think. i just have french homework for the night. then im hoping to get an article done for the paper. ive been listening to live streams of french rap music, trying to emerge myself more in the language. my mom got me some cds too on french language education, so hopefully i'll have time during the weekends to listen to those. i really need to get a good grade in french and anthropology. this quarter has been quite difficult im not sure why. im looking forward to spring break with vengeance. i think not having an art history class is affecting me as well, along with the fact that i really dont enjoy 3-d as much as i thought i would. its just so expensive i wish i could just make things that still qualify for the project, but with found objects or things that are much cheaper. my next sculpture has to be made out of foam core which is going to cost an arm and a leg. 

the gallery is pretty full tonight lots of usual faces, or at least people i have seen here just about every time i come here. this professor type is sitting at the next table over. i want to become one of those regulars. i wonder what people think im doing...

sincerely yours,

mur

much on the mind

so i have a bunch of work i should be getting done right now but instead i think i just need to write some thoughts down. its been an interesting two weeks i must say, tons of stress over money, school, jobs etc. its hard with this economy to find ways to make the money for things you want. i really want another tattoo ive been thinking about a chest piece lately, im still giving it quite a bit of thought, and i have plenty of time to do that since i am so broke. 

school has been pretty good, with the more and more lecture classes and art history courses i take the happier i am with my choice in major. im so ready to stop spending money on art supplies i dont want. 3-d has taken a huge chunk if money out of my pocket. i love books, reading, and papers, all quite cheap i must say in comparison. 

i have articles to write for the newspaper i should be working on as well however im not, i'll get to work on them tomorrow i hope depends on if they let me stay at work or whatever happens. im also quite worried about my living situation for next year/this summer. im going to look at a 1 bedroom tomorrow but i have a feeling it wont include utilities and be to expensive. i did however just find a studio apartment all utilities included for 500 a month, now that i can do. i kind of want to live by myself. i did a ton of biking around today, ate lunch at the park it was kind of nice to just sit and think. 

i just started seeing this guy named alex. he has to be one of the nicest people i have ever met, and im actually having a hard time with that haha. as weird as that sounds i just dont understand the nicenest...but hes growing on me so we'll see where it goes. there are a few complications i still need some more information on..i'll be interesting. 

i interviewed at desoto row gallery for a volunteer position there, i hope it get it. if i dont get that then i really hope i get the district editor and chief post, i interview for that next friday. 

im tired of being tired. i havent gotten a full nights sleep in i dont know how long.i really want to sleep in this weekend, i hope i can. 

i should be studying for 3-d and anthropology im just not sure how to study for them...unlike art history its not just flashcards i guess. i'll just study my notes i suppose. i didnt buy the book for 3-d so i cant really use that either..mostly because its expensive and i know i wont want to keep it for how much it costs. i really want some coffee right now..but im broke..and yeh not leaving the amazing couch that i now sit on at the library. i almost want to take a nap on it, then get to work..probably not the best idea. all for now. i need to actually study.

sincerely yours,

mur

update

ive fallen into a bad rut. were i think updating this thing as more of a hassle then a release  i really need to change that mentality. im at an odd place in life, i think ive at least figured out what my education will be good for, however im always doubting my intelligence to make it that far. i dont work nearly hard enough then i should. i tend to put a social life ahead of studies, which an an academic major i really need to change. i hope i get a spirt of motivation sometime soon. i have a big choice coming up as well. as it turns out i need to learn german for most masters and phd programs in art history, and scad will finally be offering german starting next year, however i am currently enrolled in french. if i decide to not finish out french past the third quarter, and then take german i would probably have to drop my minor and all kinds of mayhem will ensue. im very far behind in my majors classes, and i can feel it. 

on top of all that i am very stressed about money. there is so much i want to be doing right now but unfortunately work has been super slow so half the time im sent home after an hour. i had to ask my parents for money to cover my rent this month, which sucks i loved the feeling of being financially independent for the most part. it was my money so i could do with it what i wanted. now after all my bills are pained i'll have just over 40 dollars to my name. i know my next paycheck will be even lower so i have no idea how im going to come up with enough to cover next months bills. 

ive started taking pictures for some of the master's program painting students, maybe they'll get me some money going. i have an interview hopefully soon at desoto row for a volunteer position, i also have an interview with the student newspaper for a position there, which will pay starting next quarter. i hope i get it. 

yet another point of change, while megan is back i dont believe she's going to move in with me. so i have no idea who im going to live with when the lease is up. i like the idea of living by myself, but i really dont believe i can afford it, i guess i'll see what happens come april. all for now, off to work to hopefully make some money tonight. 

sincerely yours,

mur

mix up

ive been so mixed about so many things in my life its crazy. mostly about what i want as far as companionship. i have this yearning to have someone to care for, but i dont it to be complicated, or to serious. it sounds selfish i know but if someone doesnt fit what i want, i just dont want it at all. it's weird i just want something, but i dont know what it is at all...

sincerely yours,

mur

im back

i made it back from canada. i really had fun seeing all my family up there and playing in the snow wasn't half bad either. however now that i have spent two weeks with my parents and brother i remember why i love my family in savannah so much. see you soon guys i missed you. 

sincerely yours,

mur

alright

normally i dont let things get to me. however i have major issues with feeling left out abandoned etc. i'd like to think im a good friend, always there for people and the like. however this morning this fairly small incident put me over the edge i wasnt even aware i was so close to. im awake fairly early as usual, when audra gets up and i ask why she is up so early. she says shes going to breakfast with chelsea, alright thats fine its just her and chelsea not a big deal. then steph comes over and she is going as well. im just sitting in the living room on my computer and audra had already asked me what i was doing for the day, when i replied nothing no invite. its ok at the time i figured it was just her and chelsea, then all three of them stand in the living room deciding were to go and leave. no invite, no good bye, no see you later. am i really that forgettable, or am i really someone that apparently no one wants to hang out with. what is wrong with me eh? i do favors for everyone and im just left yet again. i had felt like for once i had actually gotten a close group of chick friends, but i guess not. megan i miss you. alaina too. fuck, ok im not going to be passive aggressive, im going to ask them about it when they get back cuz really i have no idea why im so upset. im tired of having to invite myself, i feel as if im imposing, shouldn't i just be invited?

sincerely yours

mur