leaving

going up to salt spring to see my family up there. i think it will be fun to not only travel along, but to get to see my family too, i dont get to see them enough. 

pictures im sure will come soon after the trip. 

sincerely yours, 

mur

superheros II

spiderman was no good, i want superman to call me back, please. 

sincerely yours,

mur

super heros

so apparently im attracted to boys who still want to be super heros. ive come to a cross roads of the super man or spider man. clark kent or peter parker, and funnily enough both of the guys act just like their appropriated characters, whom they love. 

very strange how life works, these parallels between reality and fiction. 

why has my life become an episode of greys anatomy even more then a comic book. you know where meredith has to choose between derek and fin, so true. 

we will see what saturday brings, maybe peter parker will be the right choice, however super man just keeps coming back, or at least acts like he is, we will see if he has any follow through or if he will just keep flying away. 

sincerely yours,

mur 

thinking

thinking i should take up a new hobby. biking riding as been good thus far, but i need another distraction for after finals. the travel to canada should do me some good. i really want to go visit megan but im not sure when I can do it. lame. 

R still hasn't called, im assuming he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, which is also pretty lame. apparently im on the path to self destruction. sometimes i wish life were a bit easier, i understand that yes life is going to be hard and all but really you would think i would get some kind of a break here. its been nothing but bad for the past two weeks. 

im just already done with everything, this whole summer has kinda blown for the most part, just been a mountain of stress all the time.

i cant wait for the fall, i want it to bring all things new and old back. i miss all my friends that i havent seen all summer. 

i also didnt get a lot accomplished that i wanted to this summer, mostly because of all these distractions. i really need to find a way to focus but i havent found that place yet. 

most of the time i just feel like laying in bed all day, or going for a bike ride, and thats really it. 

im also really tired of being broke, i hope P gets a job soon, this is getting so crazy. everytime i have money there is yet another bill to pay. i hate it. 

ive also felt like ive let friendships slip away. 

i feel very alone most of the time. im pretty sure they are all my fault. i also feel as if most of my problems are superficial and dont matter, but if the way i feel is from my feelings then jesus i need to deal with something, or at least have someone to listen to them and tell me how to feel better. 

all for now i guess. 

sincerely yours,

mur

seriously

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

change

my dad is moving to canada, permanently. 

my parents are separating. 

this week has been a crazy emotional roller-coaster. 

sincerely yours,

mur

away

so my dads moving to canada. there is no work left in florida, so i guess he's going to work up there for a while, and spend time with my grandpa, his health has been getting worse. im pretty sad that my dad is going to be so far away. instead of a 7 hour drive, tis going to be a 7 hour flight. 

im not sure when he's leaving either, he has cancelled his trip to france too. this whole economy thing sucks. i really wish i knew when he was leaving so i could go down to home more often. i also start working on saturdays again this month, i would really like to not but we just had another instructor quit, which means were already short staffed, and i cant afford to get fired or anything. im going to tell her that after this set of saturday's im not going to work them anymore. between school, and trying to go home its going to be crazy. 

i did a horrible thing last weekend, im kinda over it, but it still looms in my head. i know R. said he was ok with what i did, wasnt mad at me or anything like that, but anything i might do wrong or think im doing wrong is heightened by my mind. my self esteem took a blow, and i did it to my self. i always thought i had better control then that, i know alcohol was involved but im still disappointed. R isnt working in savannah anymore. its weird not being able to see him more then once a week. my bed feels empty, it's weird i sleep better next to him, that's normally never the case, but this time its different. im trying to let my blocks and walls down, slowly but surely. there is so much about me most people dont know, and i want to tell him, because i feel like he wont judge, and he listens. 

i really want the fall to start, i miss megan, i finally talked to her the other day. i want all my friends from french class to come back too, our ridiculous art history parties, with our geeky rants about what is better and how broke we will be in grad school. 

speaking of grad school im thinking of going to duke for law. i really like the idea of it anyway. i also think preservation law would be pretty cool, i might also just take a preservation class sometime this year. its crazy that i only have a year and a half left. megan only has a year left. everyone is going to start leaving soon. im going to miss them a lot. 

sad times are a coming

i can feel it. 

i hope i'm wrong. 

sincerely yours,

mur