away

so my dads moving to canada. there is no work left in florida, so i guess he's going to work up there for a while, and spend time with my grandpa, his health has been getting worse. im pretty sad that my dad is going to be so far away. instead of a 7 hour drive, tis going to be a 7 hour flight. 

im not sure when he's leaving either, he has cancelled his trip to france too. this whole economy thing sucks. i really wish i knew when he was leaving so i could go down to home more often. i also start working on saturdays again this month, i would really like to not but we just had another instructor quit, which means were already short staffed, and i cant afford to get fired or anything. im going to tell her that after this set of saturday's im not going to work them anymore. between school, and trying to go home its going to be crazy. 

i did a horrible thing last weekend, im kinda over it, but it still looms in my head. i know R. said he was ok with what i did, wasnt mad at me or anything like that, but anything i might do wrong or think im doing wrong is heightened by my mind. my self esteem took a blow, and i did it to my self. i always thought i had better control then that, i know alcohol was involved but im still disappointed. R isnt working in savannah anymore. its weird not being able to see him more then once a week. my bed feels empty, it's weird i sleep better next to him, that's normally never the case, but this time its different. im trying to let my blocks and walls down, slowly but surely. there is so much about me most people dont know, and i want to tell him, because i feel like he wont judge, and he listens. 

i really want the fall to start, i miss megan, i finally talked to her the other day. i want all my friends from french class to come back too, our ridiculous art history parties, with our geeky rants about what is better and how broke we will be in grad school. 

speaking of grad school im thinking of going to duke for law. i really like the idea of it anyway. i also think preservation law would be pretty cool, i might also just take a preservation class sometime this year. its crazy that i only have a year and a half left. megan only has a year left. everyone is going to start leaving soon. im going to miss them a lot. 

sad times are a coming

i can feel it. 

i hope i'm wrong. 

sincerely yours,

mur